Blogical Thought

KP2007MAR28

BLOG: blogicalthought.blogspot.com
NEWSGROUP: alt.ucp
=============================

KP2007MAR28
Urine Fast Day 19
210# = lost 35#
10:36 = NOW

Feeling pretty good.
Fast going well.
Predictably tired of
drinking urine. Bland,
bland, and more bland.
FLAVOR sounds really hot.
But not really hungry.

Weak. Yes. On the other
hand I’ve been much more
active the last three days.
Been working outdoors, cleaning
up an old fridge for food storage.
Cleaning up my kitchen (an old leaky
dead camper). Getting food storage
out of it. Remodeled it slightly
to move the stove to a better place.
Now I have a kitchen with a big open
well lit counter, a big improvement!
And the stove is much easier to use!

Amusing to spend three days fixing up
food and cooking stuff while fasting.
It’s really light work (or I couldn’t
do it while fasting) but I really
wanted it done to I kept at it.
Worked 8 hours straight one day.
That’s more focused than I was
the first week or two of fasting.

I AM planning to eat again!
AND EAT BETTER THAN BEFORE!
:-)

However, a daily routine
which doesn’t include
eating at all now seems
quite normal to me. :-)

I LOVE to eat!
But I don’t feel deprived.

My attention seems to be moving
off the fast to what I can do to
improve my spinternal/hexternal
conditions right now, without
waiting to complete the fast.

[yawn] not waiting is good…
no hexcuses is better than some.
[yawn]

I did make a trip into town yesterday.
It went very well! Click, Click, Click!
I paid a month-overdue bill, and had
$20 left over to get propane for bathing
and cooking. I’m down to $1, but I have
what I need for the next week or so.

I guess that’s enough for today.
I’ve had several psychotic storms
blowing around me lately. I’ve
mostly ignored them as possible.
They DO need resolution, but not
by me today. The world scene
descends rapidly into even lower
realms of hell, with the iran
war nearing kickoff. What a
nightmare catastrophe for
most of humanity [but the
hyper-rich] who want to
kill most of us off.

They are doing an
impressive job!

Economic tsunami approaches
our coast, heralded by unstable
markets, housing collapse, and
the dollar landslide from funding
genocide rather than civilization.

Buy death, get death.

[dogs barking, it's my neighbor,
he just adopted my puppy, Snouper!
Way Cool! She can come visit with
her old family. We can visit her!
THIS is the solution I was psychically
tuning for. It's not perfect, he plans
to fix her, which saddens me, but it's
way better than lots of options or none.
I got $50 too! I can pay my phone bill!]

11:51

Way Cool!

I wish all my sessions
had such great endings!

[some redo-adds] [yawn]

12:13 = about 1.75 hours
maybe half “out” of session.
[yawn] [yawn] keep thinking
about my telepathic attitude
toward Snouper and my ideal
scene. It looked bleak and
all my considerable Efforts
failed. I was behind and
under [so far mild] pressure
to get rid of her. [yawn]
[yawn] I was more worried
about staying alive [no more
strokes please!, mini or maxi],
and my attention was on fasting,
and I was really weak, so I shined
it on. I was loving, teaching and
enjoying her while I had her, and
enjoying her with the other dogs,
a resplendently resonant family!

She/they/I/WE/ all loved it a lot.

It worked out all by itself!

Way Cool! 12:29

I’d sure love to
master that knack
on a regular basis!

[yawn] [yawn] [yawn]

thts….. [yawn]

wander “out” of session
Snouper is barking, she
misses us accross the pond.

We’ll visit her later.

THANKS FOR READING!

O
— )

KONCHOK PENDAY
KP@net-prophet.net = email
http://net-prophet.net/ = website
alt.ucp = the ucp usenet newsgroup
blogicalthought.blogspot.com = blog
INTEGRATOR: Universal Conscious Plot:

http://www.lulu.com/content/261881

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

*DO* THE UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUS PRACTICE!
*COMPARE* PRESENT TO PAST AND FUTURE!
ENLIGHTENMENT! . . . RIGHT! . . . *NOW!*

*TOTALLY FREE!* @ http://net-prophet.net/ucp/
Unmoderated public usenet newsgroup: alt.ucp
= The UNIVERSITY of CONSCIOUSNESS PULPIT!

UCP IS THE *CRUX* OF RATIONAL THOUGHT!

THE UCPLOT IS THE ROSETTA STONED
OF UNDERSTANDING CONSCIOUSNESS!

*YOU* CAN RAISE YOUR OWN AWARENESS NOW!
ACCELERATE YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION!
USE THE FREE VIRTUAL WITNESS ONLINE NOW!
ONE SIZE FITS ALL SELF TAUGHT GOD LESSON!
INQUIRE WITHIN, ABOUT BECOMING YOURSELF!
PINNACLE PATHS PITCH PERFECT PERIMETERS!

THE PRIZE PATH IS A PATTERN: *UCP!*
ENHANCING GLOBAL ENLIGHTENMENT
BY BUILDING BETTER BODHISATTVAS
SINCE THE SECOND MILLENNIUM . . .
ONE BODHISATTVA AT A TIME!

*DO* UCP TO KNOW!

alt.ucp posting history online at google.com . . .

1&as_ugroup=alt.ucp&lr=&num=100&hl=en

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PRIOR POST PROFILE
DATE: 03/19/2007 03:42 PM
NEWSGROUPS: alt.ucp
POSTER: justintonation@hotmail.com
THREAD: Re: Building a real community through a virtual one in 2nd life.

NEW DISTRIBUTION:
BLOG: blogicalthought.blogspot.com
NEWSGROUP: alt.ucp
==================================

Justin White wrote:
> I am sure most of you by now have heard of the virtual world of ’2nd
> Life’
> http://secondlife.com/community/downloads.php

Well, NOW I have.

> 2nd life is a virtual world something like sim city crossed with an
> avatar based chat room. It has it’s own economy and virtual creations
> and land can be bought and sold and the virtual currency can be
> exchanged for real US$.

I browsed it a bit. Only a bad test version for linux,
and it would take me many days to download the world.
It’s not viable for me even as an imaginary substitute.

> The importance of this is that anything that you can imagine you can
> create. There is now a 2nd life stock exchange where people can trade
> shares in your company and you can get investment in ideas.

If anything I can imagine I can create,
why would I create an imaginary world
when I want and need a REAL community?

That’s what I’ve been working
toward since the late 1960′s.

> Myself and others on alt.ucp have expressed interest in creating a ucp
> based community. An intentional community in the real world requires
> land and physical resources, also people have to be located near each
> other. A virtual community does not have these restrictions, also a
> virtual community can be parlayed into a real community.

HOW does a virtual community become a real community?

I had a bit of a REAL community for a long time, but
it was underfunded, plagued with traitors and idiots,
and ignored by those who pretended to be interested.

It crashed and burned.
> Last night I had the idea of creating a virtual analogue of the
> intentional community we would like to create in the real world. It
> would be set up like a company where people could buy shares and make
> profit devoted to the establishing of the real thing in the physical
> world.

A virtual analog imaginary substitute …
based on buying shares and making profit?

WHOSE community is that?gggest anyone who is interested in this idea try out 2nd life and
> imagine what fantastic potential this arena has for the creation of
> the sane community of our dreams.
>
> Justin

Imagine the fantastic potential of a
virtual analog imaginary substitute?

Thanks for writing.

O
— )

KONCHOK PENDAY
KP@net-prophet.net = email
http://net-prophet.net/ = website
alt.ucp = the ucp usenet newsgroup
blogicalthought.blogspot.com = blog
INTEGRATOR: Universal Conscious Plot:

http://www.lulu.com/content/261881

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

*DO* THE UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUS PRACTICE!
*COMPARE* PRESENT TO PAST AND FUTURE!
ENLIGHTENMENT! . . . RIGHT! . . . *NOW!*

*TOTALLY FREE!* @ http://net-prophet.net/ucp/
Unmoderated public usenet newsgroup: alt.ucp
= The UNIVERSITY of CONSCIOUSNESS PULPIT!

UCP IS THE *CRUX* OF RATIONAL THOUGHT!

THE UCPLOT IS THE ROSETTA STONED
OF UNDERSTANDING CONSCIOUSNESS!

*YOU* CAN RAISE YOUR OWN AWARENESS NOW!
ACCELERATE YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION!
USE THE FREE VIRTUAL WITNESS ONLINE NOW!
ONE SIZE FITS ALL SELF TAUGHT GOD LESSON!
INQUIRE WITHIN, ABOUT BECOMING YOURSELF!
PINNACLE PATHS PITCH PERFECT PERIMETERS!

THE PRIZE PATH IS A PATTERN: *UCP!*
ENHANCING GLOBAL ENLIGHTENMENT
BY BUILDING BETTER BODHISATTVAS
SINCE THE SECOND MILLENNIUM . . .
ONE BODHISATTVA AT A TIME!

*DO* UCP TO KNOW!

alt.ucp posting history online at google.com . . .

1&as_ugroup=alt.ucp&lr=&num=100&hl=en

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((­(((((((((((((((

KP2007MAR16

DISTRIBUTION:
BLOG: blogicalthought.blogspot.com
NEWSGROUP: alt.ucp
==================================

KP2007MAR16

9:57 NOW
Urine Fast Day 7
Weight 227#

Felt pretty weak and
spaced out this morning.

What a great day! Hot Sunshine.
First Shorts day of the year!
Sunbathed and slept in the
sun on trampoline with dogs.
Felt better afterwards.
Bounced gently on trampoline
for a couple minutes. Good!

Zapped a couple of Blood Pressure
acupuncture points yesterday. Did
a much more thorough job today. I
did all the BP points a long time.
Felt clearer, lighter, more focused.

The points were pretty dead. I should
have thought of that years ago, but I
didn’t know I still had a problem there.

[yawn] [yawn] Another area I CAN
control that I let go out while my
attention was on trying to cope with
or improve the hexternal world. [yawn]

10:08 [yawn] Thinking about the psychotics
I’m bound up with now, what high hopes I had
to help them, and my almost complete failure
to reach them in any meaningful way, or help
them improve their lives much at all. [yawn]

Useless to them: they DO NOT WANT HELP.
If you offer it, they insult you. If
you persist, they attack you. [yawn]

[yawn] That pretty much makes it
useless to me too. I love my surfing
on the internet: Truth is an imtimate
communication even from strangers.

I love the pieces falling together into
patterns as I gather more info. I love
being able to predict things correctly
sometimes. I love to see it make sense.

But I miss intimate communication when
I’m dealing with psychotics, who do
NOT WANT intimate communication, and
often go berserk if you give it.

[yawn] [yawn] They remind me of
my parents, who are psychotic too.
I tried for many years to get thru
to them with something real. I
failed utterly. Everyone else did
too, so it’s not really “my fault”,
but I thought I could rise above
that and succeed anyway. No go.

There was a period in my life,
mostly during the 1980′s, when
I hung out with musicians,
bodyworkers, yogis and an
unadvertised spiritual master.

It was so easy to help then.
And so easy to get help too!
Intimacy was the default mode.

[yawn] [yawn] But it was
friends visiting, not family
dwelling together or working
in concert, and I couldn’t
keep it together. Having
seen AN amazing Ideal Scene,
I feel like I’ve been lost in
a cultural desert for decades.

I can’t get through to “these”
people, and I don’t find the
quality of communication and
inspiration I came to adore.

[yawn] [yawn] Maybe if I
work on myself more, I will
see what I can do to get thru,
or I’ll figure out what I can
do to get out, and find a place
I really do belong. There have
been several places I felt very
comfortable, but didn’t quite
fit in, or something changed.

I wanted to make my own place,
and invite the people I love.

I still WANT to, but I don’t
have the assets I did before.

If there was a place I fit in
and could actually contribute
my talents and knowledge to
people who appreciated them
enough to pass them on, I

[10:35 -10:43 interruption]

would work hard to get myself there.
[yawn] [yawn] Now I don’t see where
that is, much less how to get anywhere.

[yawn] I guess that brings me back to
working on myself while I have the option.

[yawn] 10:47 The fast certainly is
putting me through changes. I think
about breaking it several times a day.

But it’s not a deep desire, it’s a thought.
It doesn’t really tempt me, it’s a thought.
I’m really glad I started this fast. I’ve
had a few days of fuzzed out and cranky.
I finally seem to be winding down from my
go-go-go crisis state attitude I’ve had
for too long now. I’m starting to look
forward optimisticly to what I can
accomplish in this fast. Getting
electro-puncture is a big plus.

I was in worse shape than I thought.
Of course, I wasn’t focused on that.
I’ve been trying to salvage my
situation and survive economically.

I’ve kind of crapped out on
manipulating the hexternal
world to create my fantasies.

I’ve had my attention focused on
staying alive before I need money.

I loved posting articles and
session comments re ucp. I
felt useful and it was so
Interesting. I learned so much!
The thrill of seeing people go
uptone with what I taught them
was quite astonishing to me.

I loved doing bodywork, especially
on professional bodyworkers. THEY
love my work. Here they cringe at
the idea, no matter how desperately
they need help. Suicides are hard
to help, no matter how good you are.

I guess that puts my attention back
to improving my own health, physical
and spiritual. OK! I’m doing it now.

11:03 = about 1.0 hour

THANKS FOR READING!

O
— )

KONCHOK PENDAY
KP@net-prophet.net = email
http://net-prophet.net/ = website
alt.ucp = the ucp usenet newsgroup
blogicalthought.blogspot.com = blog
INTEGRATOR: Universal Conscious Plot:

http://www.lulu.com/content/261881

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

*DO* THE UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUS PRACTICE!
*COMPARE* PRESENT TO PAST AND FUTURE!
ENLIGHTENMENT! . . . RIGHT! . . . *NOW!*

*TOTALLY FREE!* @ http://net-prophet.net/ucp/
Unmoderated public usenet newsgroup: alt.ucp
= The UNIVERSITY of CONSCIOUSNESS PULPIT!

UCP IS THE *CRUX* OF RATIONAL THOUGHT!

THE UCPLOT IS THE ROSETTA STONED
OF UNDERSTANDING CONSCIOUSNESS!

*YOU* CAN RAISE YOUR OWN AWARENESS NOW!
ACCELERATE YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION!
USE THE FREE VIRTUAL WITNESS ONLINE NOW!
ONE SIZE FITS ALL SELF TAUGHT GOD LESSON!
INQUIRE WITHIN, ABOUT BECOMING YOURSELF!
PINNACLE PATHS PITCH PERFECT PERIMETERS!

THE PRIZE PATH IS A PATTERN: *UCP!*
ENHANCING GLOBAL ENLIGHTENMENT
BY BUILDING BETTER BODHISATTVAS
SINCE THE SECOND MILLENNIUM . . .
ONE BODHISATTVA AT A TIME!

*DO* UCP TO KNOW!

alt.ucp posting history online at google.com . . .

1&as_ugroup=alt.ucp&lr=&num=100&hl=en

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((­(((((((((((((((

KP2007MAR15

12:03PM NOW

Urine Fast Day 6.
Weight 227#: lost 18#
Feeling pretty good.
Getting into this fast
was easier than usual.
Only one hard day where I
ran out of gas and napped.
My brain-pressure somatic
is still there, but has
resided quite a bit.

Re Alex on gold fringed flags.
I was aware of this before,
but after his post I noticed
a gold fringed flag in the
lobby of the bank.

Happy to see Justin posting again.
However, his long post disappeared
from my hard drive, and never
appeared on google, so I can’t reply.
Maybe it was cancelled? None of my
compatriots are in a position to
purchase any new land. My main
buddies are 70, live on social
security, and owe thousands of
dollars they borrowed to pay the
incompetent lying shyster who
fucked us over completely.

Reading a lot online.
Doing easy/gentle work.
Playing with dogs a lot.
Watching TV: mostly crap
but some hextraordinary.

Tripped in the dark a few nites ago
and tried to break a concrete block
with my nose. Block 1, Nose 0.
I felt like bozo. I looked like
bozo too: huge red + purple nose.
Fortunately I didn’t break teeth,
though my glasses are road-rashed
bad. Swelling is subsiding, and
the bright purple is fading to
pink. I was really lucky!
I didn’t smash any teeth, tho
they cut my lip inside and out.
I guess I should thank my big
bozo nose for saving my teeth.

I love eating. I’d LOVE to eat.
The usual hunger pangs and impulses
to eat, or at least sample, the dog’s
food, but I’m doing OK. My big treat
now is a few swallows of well water.

I’m still puzzling over what to do
about the rabid psychotics I deal
with. They are all suicidal, and
all blame me for their problems,
which were ruining their lives
many years before they met me.
Whenever I politely and gently
try to help them out with a clue
they hysterically and viciously
attack me with insane rants.

I haven’t got a handle on that.
That’s been bugging me for almost
60 years now. I’m in a life boat
with aggressive militant whackos
who are drilling holes in the
bottom of the boat to let the
water out. They are threatening
to attack me for not drilling too.
In their eyes, I am a traitor and
deverve whatever I get from them.
I keep trying to help them, but I
am tired of being attacked for it.

As least I can and am doing
something to improve my heath.

1:02 Not really a session:
seems like too much effort now:
more of a where I am check in.

about 1.00 hours

O
— )
\

KP2007MAR10 FAST DAY 1

DISTRIBUTION:
BLOG: blogicalthought.blogspot.com
NEWSGROUP: alt.ucp
=============================

[forgot to note time, around 8?]

I was diagnosed with high blood
pressure several weeks ago. Did
a blood draw and then follow up
yesterday. B/P= 220+/120+ Not
good. That’s puts me in the
highest risk category. Maybe
that’s why I’ve had a constant
low grade pressure/headache
since I don’t remember when.
Kidneys and blood vessels
are 10 years “older” than I.

Now I can get a check
on progress or lack!

Blood chemistry was real good!
A bit low on potassium tho.

But the pressure is way bad.
I had two mini clots around
the time I was in the ER.
I’m mostly recovered now.

I think my pressure is
higher now than it was
then, but my attitude
is better now. I was
furiously angry and
protesting then.

Now I’m not reacting
against it so much.

Didn’t worry about BP as
I felt so much better
physically in the last
couple/few years since
I fixed my out sacrum.
Now BP seems ominous.
I’ve felt bloated/
stuffed, pressure
for a long time
now, but was
more worried
about other
things.

The doctor impressed me
quite a bit. I decided
is would be foolish to
wait any longer to fast:
I’ve wanted to since
last fall. 245# today.

I feel lucky to get a
warning and help before
I have another stroke,
mini or otherwise.

Dr checked my eyes, I
have mild hypertension
blood vessel damage.

I was feeling good…
at least physically!

When your brain goes,
backups are useless.

I’ve certainly
been warned! :-)

I’m guessing a few
weeks or a month
of urine fasting.
Lose about 50#?
Get under 200#.

Maybe complete
the fast to
Hungry again?
FINISH it?

Check my blood
vessels again?

Maybe stay there this time
to keep blood pressure low?
Did it go up with weight?

Did light work outside.
Watched TV…the local
team won BIG in the
conference finals:
a huge win with
awesome play!

With 8 minutes left to play,
they had more than twice as
many points at, 73 to 36!
One guy went 11 for 11,
including 7 3-pointers!

Who could have
predicted that?

Did pretty well
today, didn’t
even need a nap.

Maybe tomorrow
I’ll crash out?

It’s amazing how many
times today I’ve thought:
“I’ll eat something now.”
I even put a candy in my
mouth without thinking.
It was amusing to see!

Glad to be fasting!
Staying alive is
more critical than
paying bills, etc.

I like my doctor a lot
and got along well with
him even tho I’m a hard
patient to treat, as I
don’t want to take any
blood pressure medicine.
He was patient + polite!

I’d rather
do it my way:
with his MD
info and
advice.

He can check the
biochemistry for
me and see if/how
what I do helps.

I’d like to track
the science too.

8:40 thoughts,
additions, hextend
9:45 [yawn]

This feels like a
correction of an
error re altered
importance or
priority,

Perhaps preventing
another catastrophe?

And I alread got
started on not
doing something!

Progress thru
in-action and
non-eating.

Nothing, right now,
with no waiting!

9:58 New views
and redos 10:13
interruptions =
about 2.0 hours?

THANKS FOR READING!

O
— )

KONCHOK PENDAY
KP@net-prophet.net = email
http://net-prophet.net/ = website
alt.ucp = the ucp usenet newsgroup
blogicalthought.blogspot.com = blog
INTEGRATOR: Universal Conscious Plot:

http://www.lulu.com/content/261881

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

*DO* THE UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUS PRACTICE!
*COMPARE* PRESENT TO PAST AND FUTURE!
ENLIGHTENMENT! . . . RIGHT! . . . *NOW!*

*TOTALLY FREE!* @ http://net-prophet.net/ucp/
Unmoderated public usenet newsgroup: alt.ucp
= The UNIVERSITY of CONSCIOUSNESS PULPIT!

UCP IS THE *CRUX* OF RATIONAL THOUGHT!

THE UCPLOT IS THE ROSETTA STONED
OF UNDERSTANDING CONSCIOUSNESS!

*YOU* CAN RAISE YOUR OWN AWARENESS NOW!
ACCELERATE YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION!
USE THE FREE VIRTUAL WITNESS ONLINE NOW!
ONE SIZE FITS ALL SELF TAUGHT GOD LESSON!
INQUIRE WITHIN, ABOUT BECOMING YOURSELF!
PINNACLE PATHS PITCH PERFECT PERIMETERS!

THE PRIZE PATH IS A PATTERN: *UCP!*
ENHANCING GLOBAL ENLIGHTENMENT
BY BUILDING BETTER BODHISATTVAS
SINCE THE SECOND MILLENNIUM . . .
ONE BODHISATTVA AT A TIME!

*DO* UCP TO KNOW!

alt.ucp posting history online at google.com . . .

1&as_ugroup=alt.ucp&lr=&num=100&hl=en

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((­(((((((((((((((

KP2007MAR07

DISTRIBUTION:
BLOG: blogicalthought.blogspot.com
NEWSGROUP: alt.ucp
==================================

KP2007MAR07
9:47 PM NOW

I’m disoriented now.

Since the 60′s I’ve
been looking for a
real community. None
of the intentional
communities I found
suited me. Even their
members were usually
crazy. So I worked on
the problem of sanity
for a long time. I
made major progress
on that. It seemed like
my destiny was to found
an intentional community.
It seems like my life so
far was training for that.

I had some tight buddies,
and we had over a square
mile of mountain retreat.

Then that vanished a few
months ago, STOLEN by our
former “partners”. We
paid $76,000 in the 70′s,
and thought it was worth
a million or two. The
thieves just turned down
5 million dollars for it,
and are holding out for 7.

That WAS my future, as well
as my homestead, my retreat,
and my community of friends.

I really thought we could
model a sane culture/group
and show others how to do it.

Now it’s gone, and my friends
have all lost their homesteads.

I try to see how I can build my
community without those assets.
I don’t see how now. What else
to do? I’m not so much working
towards my fantasies as dealing
with catastrophes. Bummer! 9:59

I was hoping to move there this year,
and invite a few special people.

I was still hoping to have a bunch
of kids and raise them in some kind
of sane environment with happy people.

With no place and no group,
that looks a lot less likely now.

I’m quite dependent now on suicidal
psychotics, and my fallback option
just self-destructed. It’s hard to
imagine a fantasy future I love that
is also possible to create. I’ve
tried to help the psychotics for
many years now with no big success.
When I try to help them, they attack.
I can’t see a big future there, and
I don’t see them living too long.
10:12

On the whole, it’s getting harder and
harder to keep it together financially.
And “together” keeps getting redefined
to lesser and lesser hexpectations.

Of course, it’s the criminals and
thieves who are doing well now:
bankers, arms makers, oil giants.
What I’m terrified of has already
happened to the Afganis and Iraqis.

What happened to my retreat has
also happened to entire countries.

The scumbags are in charge of
most of the planet, and are
trying desperately to crush
ALL resistance to their rule.

MY HEROS are mostly getting wiped out.
Their knowledge and culture are mostly
being obliterated, forgotten and lost.
People with priceless knowledge are
dying with no students: a bleak end.

Some of that I hoped to correct
with my planned community. Now
I have no sanctuary to share.

Better knowledge and wisdom with
no land than vise versa . . . maybe.
It’s hard to have a culture without
and least some of both.

I am MUCH calmer about all this than
I would have been in the past. I’m
not hysterical or enraged or collapsed.

But I don’t see good options forward.
I keep looking for new opportunities,
but I don’t see them now. Yes, it’s
cool my tone level is up enough I’m
not punishing myself for failing.

Higher tone level would better,
but I don’t want to give up my
purposes and become a zombie.

My system is still a mess.
My CD drives don’t seem to
work, so I still can’t backup.
My flash drive would hold some,
but then I have to edit/choose
which is another big project.

My free business account was
closed several years ago, and
re-opening it is a big hassle,
and wouldn’t be free or have
no minimum balance. Another
valuable asset gone. That’s
at least one reason I’ve had
no book sales at lulu.com.

Things I worked years to set
up are flushed in a flash.
I think my friend Jimmy died.

I keep getting the feeling
that I’m trying to build a
house during a landslide.

Even the best efforts
seem to go downhill fast.

When I was driving along the
cliff road, I was really very
uptight, fearful and nauseous.

However, I was also working on
my awareness or tone level too.
Not as fast as some, but still
making forward, if slow progress.

Now that I’ve crashed through
the railing and I’m rolling
down the embankment, I’m glad
to report I am LESS hysterical.

I’m calmer and more rational
about my situation, but I also
see it more and more clearly as
worse and worse. I’m OK *NOW*
rolling down the hill, but I’m
also expecting some nastly jolts
as I smash into things on the
way down. I don’t expect the
car to run again at the bottom.

I’m wondering how long I’ll
live through this clusterfuck.

I have a lot of knowledge that
I feel is enormously valuable.
It’s certainly helped me a lot.

I was hoping to share that
with a group or tribe that
would use, teach and share
it: protect and promote it.

That seems much less likely now.

10:54 Of course, this keeps
going to Prediction, which I
know from hexperience is error
prone and failure ridden, but
I don’t know how to function
without it. Maybe that’s a
future lesson? I’s quite
certain I’m not there now.

Might be?
Dying, with no family, tribe,
students, or heirs. Watching
what I hoped to build slip away.
Leaving my knowldge, tools and
possessions to the thieves,
who will waste them as usual.

Compare?
That looks likely,
from what I see now.

However, it’s not certain.
There’s a lot I don’t know.

However, I know that I can
work on my own awareness,
and that’s helpful even
when the situation sucks.

11:15 I guess my options
are keep on keeping on, in
spite of the Interference,
or lay down and die quietly.

Keeping on keeping on still
seems a bit more attractive.

I’ll stick with that for now.

11:29 = about 1.75 hours.

THANKS FOR READING!

O
— )

KONCHOK PENDAY
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